I've never liked the idea of being one of many. The idea of being a polygamous wife, for example, just never was a welcome one to me. The need to wait my turn and possibly never get a turn, well no that was not my idea of happiness. Romance to me belongs in the one on one category -- not one of 200,000.
And, yet, so far my record of attracting the wrong man for me is very possibly 100%. I, apparently, just had to go and do it in a colossal way this last time. I should never have joked about being okay with polyandry!
Remember when I told you there is no "he"? Remember my talking about scripts? Remember that there they were, his pictures year after year?
Unless you've already discovered for yourself what comes next, I encourage you to prepare yourself.
The preparation you'll really need is to determine what you are going to take away from all this for yourself. And primarily, please determine that you will not beat yourself up over this. This, like all experiences, is a diamond in the rough. Unless you've mastered denial in a huge way and continue to congratulate yourself that that is your modus operandi, this will leave gems for you to mine for months to come.
You'll learn where you currently stand with your own needs. Eye-opening, isn't it? Most of us have looked to the end of things, and if you're a baby boomer like me, you may have convinced yourself that you have been in the end zone for some time now.
Most of us have learned to no longer mention to our family and friends how important finding love one more time might be to us. We've had to teach ourselves, no one wants to hear we hope to still have sex. The faces repugnance takes on about what we might want, desire, hope for, is, well, quite repugnant.
Not so amazing, really, then, that a fresh-faced boy (I don't mean to say that he fails to clearly be a man, just comparatively speaking compared to the mostly world-weary faces of contemporaries) that comes with a polite request for friendship with you can sound like a lovely possibility. After all, you have always tried to present the world with your smiles. Lately, no one has really remarked on your smiles until he did. Ah. A soft spot, so early on.
I need to confess here that I've spent a couple days vacillating again. From my reading and watching videos, I'm not alone in that either. We, as humans, tend to want what we want, don't we? And, I'm pretty sure that it's a rare one of us who is truly anxious and willing to play the fool.
I'm taking a very deep breath and diving in. There is no "he" or in the case where it applies, there is no "she", but rather a motley crew of mostly twenty-year-olds affiliated with gangs, with Mafioso, in the amorphous Nigerian groups we more likely associated with incredulous emails from breathless folks who have finally, finally tracked us down as unlikely heirs of royalty who left us vast fortunes and who simply need a few thousand dollars to get us our long desired (do I mean deserved?) largesse.
Feel free to take as long as it takes for that to sink in, because they are very, very skilled at making us think otherwise, and if we are to the least degree at all far gone; by which I mean seeing ourselves as successfully having found our next partner, there are those of us who never recover, and I mean never. Suicide tends to be final. If that would never be your consideration, you will find a way (and not likely your first choice) to do without that money (and possibly home and vehicles and more) you sent "his" way.
There is a news source that sees romance scamming as the largest crime worldwide today, larger than the drug trade. And when I said at the very beginning of this post I didn't like being one of many, and that included one of 200,000, that number is media's best guess as to the numbers of us who were romance scammed last year.
I'm feeling like I may never get everything off my chest about it. I need a break, though. I have had many happy moments visualizing personally enjoying the love I assume so many others have in their lives that so far has eluded me. And, damn it all to freaking hell, it has done so again. Worse, to twenty- somethings in a corrupt society where it is common to see all Americans as rich and needing a good scamming.
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