I am reminded here and now that I need the funds to purchase some vehicle (why not another Toyota Yaris for Ry — 2007 or 8 or 9?) and get auto insurance so as to be able to take ownership of my “Freedom vehicle) as close to the 21st of this month as possible? I wonder if I might be able to park it down Strahorn, maybe in Carol’s drive, and let that be a surprise to Ry ASAP after the news is out that I AM the winner of the Sweepstakes Package. Oh, I feel sooooooo good, and good is a terrific feeling with this! The feelings keep mounting, of winning, of triumph, of success, of inner happiness, of anticipation of seeing more dreams come true.
Perhaps there may never be a happier moment than the one when I turned to my son’s face and knew it had registered that I had done what he had asked of me: become happy and in doing so, become his showwrrr. Surely, spoken aloud or no, all children want their parents to become their showwrrrs, to be happy and truly present in their lives! (Clue: a showwrrr is one who shows/demonstrates by doing. There is reality evidence). Let me truly be a sharer and share with you how that feels (because it may not be a natural state for just any human). My face screws up just thinking about it — the kind of screwing up where tears leak out of the eyes, snot rolls out of the nostrils and if I take the time to check I can actually feel my heart has followed suit and needs to be wrung out like a wash cloth. My appendages feel weak and floppy and I have to check my bearings. And, then, I come to my senses and realize this is the best damned moment since I gave this same boy birth! Dare I hope to ever top this?
Should you be puzzled about my saying I became happy and then became
his showwrrr, let me enlighten you. I’ve been asked enough, and asked myself enough, the question: “do you believe you are a vibrational being?” to have come up with several understandings why my brain goes all skiwampus with it.
Urban Dictionary: skiwampus www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=skiwampus Urban Dictionary not in alignment or traveling off course. The house sat skiwampus on the lot. by Sherman Anderson March 03, 2008.
Have you ever watched a sleeping dog that’s obviously dreaming of running full out in a meadow somewhere? We have three two month old “bullie” puppies and one seems to have brought in a past life where she was always on the go. The first time I saw her laying on her back, completely — I do mean completely — relaxed, while seeming in a full out run demo, little yips and all, I feared she was having seizures. She’d been ill.
This is far from the first set of puppies we’ve had since the first of the year and I have stopped saying, “I’ve seen it all”, but these three have the most personality of the several sets we’ve had. I wasn’t at all sure what I was seeing, but it finally was obvious all was well and she was in some happy dream.
Just like all puppies have individual personality traits, so do we humans. Having taken on the bipolar personality in this life (whatever was I thinking when I agreed to that? — actually it’s becoming more clear all the time) I have experienced more extremes than the larger majority. Perhaps that’s why I see us in levels. When I’m in a suicidal thinking clinical depression, I have hardly any vibration at all. Poke at me with a cattle prod and you might think I had expired. Find me (catch me. if you can) when I’m manic and you’ll swear you hear buzzing.
I know as well as you do that I can only speak from my own experience and only attempt to speak from my own generation, but I do notice over and over that others speak how each generation seems smarter and better prepared to take on life in this world. So. Going back to my own generation, even though all babies world wide seem to come in happy, unless ill or otherwise overburdened, most of us found ourselves quite dispirited by the time we were of school age and many found ourselves struggling with the notion of how to be primarily happy in life.
I’m not the only one of my generation that has had to learn all over again, how to be happy. I do like for people to be glad to be around me and never found one who delighted in my dastardliness. I’ve written many articles that allude to my journey to retrain myself in happiness. Perhaps you will be henceforth able to see how well worth the journey to be an exemplar for one’s children.
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